Too hot to Handel

Classical music is not popular. We've all heard the reasons - outdated, boring, uncool.

That's the thing. "Classical" is as broad and generic a term as referring to "people". The intricacies, idiosyncrasies, variety and emotional depth is simply not encompassed by the term.

Fair enough, I completely understand why certain "classical" musical styles bore the tits off the general public. I mean, Mozart and Beethoven were composing in a time where trousers could only be referred to as "unmentionables", and table legs were covered up lest they remind some poor gentlemen of a real female extremity or his own apologetic erection.

The wooden, esoteric musings of the baroque and classical eras are understandably inaccessible to a modern audience. To a populace being spoon-fed lyrics like "Ooh, you's a sexy bitch!", why would you voluntarily put yourself through something as sterilely named as "String Quartet in G-Minor, K478 Rondo"?

BUT really, you've all been tricked! Because you DO actually like classical music (nay, love!), you just don't KNOW you do!

Film music (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pFS4zYWxzNA&feature=related, http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vHAvjaHtlMA, http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=D8zlUUrFK-M) , the scores of TV shows (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aRYowiiAOhg), and other incidental music has evolved from our classical past. Baroque evolved into Classical, which in turn evolved into Romanticism, Impressionism and program music. Take a look at the sales of soundtracks and how many people turned up to the Doctor Who Proms last night at the Royal Albert Hall (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KgL2CZisFGc) and you'll see that people can and do relate to classical on a massive scale. Take a look at the footy coverage on a Sunday afternoon and how many English fans sung "Zadok the Priest" and "Rule Britannia" during the world cup as they wept into their vuvuzelas (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aaY6G-yX4YI&feature=related).

If you don't think you can relate to classical music then you don't know what it is. You relate to it everyday whether you notice or not; and it evokes the most visceral and intense emotional reactions. It's probably the most powerful and evocative musical genre of all.

If the sound of Davy Jones blasting out tunes from his church organ aboard The Flying Dutchman doesn't chill you to the bone (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FL1TGhQOcV4) or Elgar's Nimrod bring you to the verge of tears (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sUgoBb8m1eE) then, hell, your heart is hewn from the coldest sharpest flint.

And for anyone who doesn't think that classical music is sexy... haven't you heard how big Rachmaninov's hands were?!

Your hands would definitely have to be big to play these chords (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=d-qwJoFQ3qo&feature=related; see 2 min 25s). Imagine a gorgeous brunette playing this naked and then you'll understand how sexy classical piano can be.

Finally, a little giggle for you: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ifKKlhYF53w

Don't be put off by the uptight, abstinant Victorians! Whether you realise it or not, classical music is already an intrinsic part of your life - so why not experiment a little with it? ;)

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